The law of attraction
Today was a good day. Yesterday, not-so-much.
Today I picked myself up and decided to share positivity around.
Like attracts like, I remember reading.
Today, I woke up with the mind-set that I was going to make this a good day (as much as I possibly could) after not coping very well with yesterday.
Some days are just shit aren’t they. You wake up tired. Feel more emotional than usual.
You know something really small will tip you over the edge. You try and have a word with yourself, but you are too exhausted. Yesterday was one of those.
Those who know me well, know that I am a person who likes to have a plan. So it makes sense that I am one of those mums who likes to have a routine.
I do try to be flexible with routine as sometimes you have to.
But in all honesty, with the baby to think about, I am better off when I have set my expectations for the day. I make a little plan in my mind and I can just get on with it. And Elsie is happier too.
But yesterday, I re-routed my routine to fit around a Health Visitor appointment. An appointment they requested at 12.30.
Elsie always has lunch at 12 and it takes at least half an hour to get through that rigmarole, so I dutifully started the day early. Everything could happen sooner. We’d rush lunch at 1145 and we’d still get to the Health Visitor on time.
Because the other thing to know about me: I am never late!
I have been programmed to be on time for everything. I inherited this from my parents. There are occasions when the train or tube makes me late, or a car accident has got in my way, or I have been puked all over just as I am about to leave the house. (Christmas day, thanks for that Elsie) But I try my utmost to never be late. And if I am, I let someone know. It’s manners.
Elsie and I went out in the pouring rain to get to our appointment on time.
We got wet.
I don’t have a rain cover for the car seat. I put the seat on wheels in the car park, put Elsie’s rain-coat hood up and then tried my hardest to balance a brolly over the car seat while pushing her along almost doubled over. I looked like a bit of an idiot I’m sure, but as Mum, you don’t care anymore.
So having woken up broken, changing routine, rushing my day and then getting pissed on from the car park to the doctors, things were going well.
I spoke to reception to let them know I was there, and was told to wait on the second floor. Where I should just wait to be called.
So we waited
Elsie got more and more tired. She was very good for the first half hour of waiting. Then she hit the wall.
Poor girl. She just needed her bed. It was way past nap time.
So, pissed-off as I was, I put her coat back on, put her back in the car seat and went back down to reception.
Trying to remain calm.
But pretty angry.
I told them I’d been waiting 40 minutes and couldn’t wait any longer. My daughter needs to get home for her nap and is getting aggro just waiting around.
They called the Health Visitor who couldn’t understand how they had managed to miss the appointment and asked me to wait a moment.
WAIT. A. Moment. While they popped down to chat to me.
Then this overwhelming feeling of anger, emotion and frustration hit me (it was a bad day). It was all I could do to get a few words out when she eventually came to apologise.
She complimented me on my being very calm and thanked me that I wasn’t angry. (Good moves HV)
I was basically silent, trying to not let the tears out. Speaking would have opened the flood gates.
The emotions from when Elsie was born came flooding back, when I was paranoid if I showed weakness they’d take my baby away.
Don’t take my baby away!
I agreed to reschedule with the Health Visitor and hobbled back out into the pissing rain.
I didn’t even do up my coat.
I didn’t care anymore.
I got very wet.
It was a bad day.
Why on earth did such a seemingly small thing ruin my whole day? The tired mind of a human mummy is a complex thing!
So today, I woke up and had a word with myself in the silence that was 5.50am, before everyone else was awake. I vowed to be as positive as I could and to smile at everyone I saw today as a gesture of politeness. Sharing the love. It used to be common place to do this when I grew up, but it seems people don’t really do it anymore.
Today’s plan was sharing the love.
We went for a walk into town to do a few jobs. It wasn’t raining. #Winning.
As promised, I shared the love along the journey by politely smiling at people we passed on the way. Some smiled back, delighted. Others ignored us.
A man at the bank opened the door for me and helped me get the buggy up the steps, another man helped me exit. Good vibes. I thanked them for their kindness.
I even paid a cheque in via the machine with no queue, and it was fine. I was positive I could work out what must be a simple machine. It was.
Then a lady in M&S who had noticed my daughter and I in the till queue (we exchanged smiles) offered us a 20% off voucher she’d just been given. She said she wouldn’t use it, why don’t we have it?
Really? I thanked her very much and said, how kind.
Technically (if you do the shopping justification) the dress I bought for my daughter is now free!
Yesterday I felt blue. Shit happened. It was a difficult day.
Today I tried my hardest to be positive, shared the love, and it helped.
Today was a good day.
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