Risking it all for a sibling
I have three siblings and they are amazing.
They are inspiring, funny, clever, so beautiful (handsome) and I couldn’t love them more.
We are all quite different in our own ways, yet the same. It’s a funny juxtaposition.
There is stuff in our lives only we can understand, and an unspoken empathy transmitted with one knowing look. I couldn’t imagine or bear life without them. Yet I’m not sure I can have a sibling for my only daughter of ten months.
I feel I am depriving her of an amazing thing. But would it be at the cost of her own mummy?
Who would want to miss this?
My big brother lives in the USA and runs an amazing charity Play Rugby USA that teaches positive life skills to kids though sports, and so much more. The Queen is awarding him an MBE later this year to recognise his amazing work.
He tells people he is Daniel Craig’s stunt double. Sorry Griff, the secret it out! He looks just like him (from the side) and has even been asked for his autograph and photo when people mistake him for the real 007.
He has more friends than I can even count.
My sister is a brilliant mix of super intelligent and super funny. She never fails to make me laugh.
She went down the traditional academic route achieving 100% in exams and genius stuff like that. Despite being very creative, and a brilliant musician, she is a lawyer. A brilliant lawyer who can recite the entire film – The Lion King, and loves cats more than babies!
My younger brother is in the Army. That’s pretty hardcore. He is actually one of the most caring people you could meet. Despite the fact he is a trained killer!
He is so good with kids. He is the youngest of us all and brilliant with little ones. He’s also a self taught computer expert and technical wizard. I could really do with some of his skills around here, but he’s off on training in Canada for a while.
I miss them terribly, as we all live far apart.
So when I think of them, how we grew up, and I think of my daughter’s future, I am ridden with guilt that she may not get to experience this. She will never have three siblings, there isn’t enough time on my clock for that; but just one sibling, might make all the difference to her world.
My worries are these:
First, it took us two years to conceive my daughter so who knows if we’ll manage to achieve another. So we may not have a choice.
Second, I suffered so badly with SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction – sounds as bad as it is) during pregnancy that I don’t think I could care for my daughter properly while pregnant. During the third trimester I could barely walk and was in constant pain.
Third, I had a 48 hour labour and a lot of stitches; and although not sure if this is technically true, I felt like I nearly died giving birth to her. My birth experience has made me so scared of dying with the next baby, and leaving my daughter alone, that it might be selfish to actually have another child.
What if something happened to me and I couldn’t be her mummy any more?
Do I risk it all for a sibling?
Oh and then there’s the financial implications, but I won’t go into that.
So you see my dilemma.
Siblings are amazing, but so is having a mum who can look after you both practically, and with all her heart.
I love my baby so much, I am actually scared to have another. Yet I feel so much guilt that she won’t experience the most special relationship I have had with my brothers and sister.
People tell me that only children are so much more common these days, and are absolutely fine. They still grow up into well adjusted adults, and don’t feel they have missed out. They don’t know any different… But I do.
Perhaps I need to let fate decide.
Or maybe as a knackered mum of a ten month old I need to give myself a break. Those new born months have been tough. I’m 38 and already blessed with the most beautiful miracle child.
I am grateful for her, for our little family and for life.
Why mess with it?
I would love to hear from you if you have struggled with this decision or if you are an only child. Please feel free to leave a comment.
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