How to be a ‘noise ninja’ in 20 (quiet) steps

Sssshhhh don’t wake the baby

Before we had a baby I never really paid much attention to our general noise levels.

Then we had Elsie.no noise cropped

A baby who evidently wakes up to the slightest sound. Like me, she’s a light sleeper.

So like it or not, I find myself trying to be a ‘Noise Ninja’, silently creeping around my world and advising others on how not to wake my baby!

Those of you smug (Ahem... I mean lucky) parents, with babies that “sleep like babies”,  might well scoff at me for being just a tiny bit over the top. But if your baby was like mine, and you slept like me, you might behave like this too….

Irrational behaviour in order to ensure baby sleeps:

    1. I watch TV with the volume low (and subtitles on)
    2. I leap across the room avoiding toys, chairs, kitchen table to get to the dishwasher / washing machine / microwave before it beeps to tell me it’s done
    3. I generally whisper for the first half hour after baby’s gone to bed
    4. I creep like a cartoon burglar past her bed when I go in her room
    5. I also crawl like a commando when creeping isn’t good enough
    6. I never hoover when the baby is asleep (no wonder I find it so hard to keep on top of the cleaning)
    7. I never use the hairdryer anymore. I’m a mess
    8. I never give anyone my home phone number for fear of phone ringing
    9. Always have my mobile on silent or vibrate
    10. I use door stops to save making the door-shutting ‘clunk’ (apart from last thing at night when I have to shut the cat out properly).
    11. I never get up for a drink in the night for fear of having to open the door (clunk) and therefore wake the baby. Damn you cat.
    12. I don’t flush the loo all night (at least I’m saving water and therefore the planet)
    13. I don’t turn on the bathroom light to save the click of the switch making a sound (at least I’m saving energy and therefore the planet)
    14. I don’t sterilise the bottles until she is either awake or fast asleep – when I stand by the microwave to ensure it doesn’t beep!
    15. I have a sea-shore white noise app on all the time in the baby’s room
    16. My dishwasher loading skills become more like a Tai Chi move
    17. I keep the heating on all night so the cold doesn’t wake her (not-so-much saving the planet)
    18. I flap my arms as a noise ‘remote control’ to those who do not understand the ‘Noise Ninja code’
    19. I try and use ESP  (extra sensory perception) to communicate
    20. When visiting, I even tell my parents to be quiet!
    21. (who, by the way, think I have a real problem) I do, it’s called sleep!

      C’mon…. tell me I’m not alone…..

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