Can ESP make my baby sleep through the night?
You can blame sleep deprivation madness if you like but I am beginning to convince myself this is working. ESP (extra-sensory perception) as the new get baby back to sleep tool. Whoever wrote the phrase sleeping like a baby was a mad man. Unless of course he meant the phrase to mean something else. Something else akin to hellishness.
Anyway, my precious Angel wakes up a lot in the night.
Normally when she wakes up mumbling, grumbling or squeaking I listen for a while to work out what kind of noise I think it is. Is it going to turn into a cry? Is she just trying to settle herself to sleep? Is she wide awake and playing? Does she need her soother? Has she chucked it out the cot? Again. Has she done a poo? Again.
Generally, if she persists making a noise, I will get up to check she is okay. I’ll give her the inventively named ‘sleepy bun bun’ and tell her “it’s sleepy time…” Or I prod my husband to wake up (your turn) and he rushes out of bed to check she is alright. Sometimes she will settle right down again, other times, not. If it’s 3.33am I’ll definitely send my husband, as that is Poo o’clock. (Ssssh don’t tell him)
Anyway, ESP. Anything is worth a try to get the baby to sleep through the night, right? So I have been channeling my inner Susan (the late, great Susan Jeffers) and focusing my mind on Elsie when she wakes up. Instead of getting up, I concentrate deep in the back of my mind and connect to Elsie. I repeat in a calm, zen like tone that it is “sleepy time…. time to go to sleep, you are warm, cared for and loved…. Go back to sleep…. Go back to sleep….”
You think I’m crazy, don’t you?
I honestly believe for the past two nights that this has worked! Last night we got up twice in the night to settle her crying but all the other wakings, when she was just mumbling, I used ESP and she went back to sleep! Convinced much?
Seriously, if I can make it work a few more days in a row I’ll write the book on it! It would sell millions! But more importantly, it would be a life saver for Mums the world over. Save us all from trying to think of something interesting or new to say when someone asks: “is she good? Does she sleep through yet?”. YET? DOES SHE? (I refer you to the episode of Friends with Ross and “My Sandwich”) and think of something less irate to say. As for the ‘good’ question: She’s my baby, I love her the most in the whole wide world, please define good.
My ESP theory, in my open mind, is that if I grew my baby in my tummy and we coexisted together all this time… And then I spend every single moment of my life with her. Every. Single. Moment. We just might be able to have some kind of telepathic bond.
It’s fair to say that my husband and I may well have been watching a few too many marvel superhero programmes lately (it’s his favourite) which could have influenced my thinking, but I have also read a lot of spiritual and inspirational books that give me hope….. Hope at least that one day, I can get my baby to sleep through the night.
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Have you ever tried ESP on your baby? Are you going to try it now? When you’ve been awake for hours and are desperate, I have an inkling you just might… Let me know how it goes. It will be great material for the book 🙂